L.O.V.E and Y.O.U

I want to write a poem about a word, maybe two,

The first word would be love and the second you.

Together they form a thought,

But separate they both complete my heart.

Love such a funny idea,

Giving trust, and laying aside fear.

Yeah it’s a word so many work up the courage to say,

Most the time it’s an imitation they give away.

Lets spell love out, L,

Stands for lasting anything else is hell,

Moving on to the endless O,

Oneness is what two should know.

Then the awkward shaped V.

It’s being vulnerable for your one to see.

At the end we have the E.

Endless is it’s only meaning.

It goes far beyond the you and me.

No force can stop it’s intervening.

You is a word I cannot spell,

I try, but I’ve lost my right too.

To put it so close to love is hell.

Because my love continuous seeks you,

But they are separate and alone.

Love waits for you to come back home.

Timed Focused

Timed Focused

06/01/2020

Life is a vacant space,

Go ahead and focus on the past,

Soon the future you will erase.

The present is all that truly lasts.

Ceiling

Ceiling

06/03/2020

The black ceiling calls,

The silence aborbs all.

The thoughts are just dying,

But that black ceiling is memorizing.

In it you see a future you desire,

Now all burned up in greed’s fire.

There’s even smiles of the past,

But now they aren’t around, they didn’t last.

The gray ceiling begins to bloom,

This bed begins to feel like a tomb.

“You’re alone,” your mind repeats,

It’s reconfirmed as your heart alone beats.

The gray isn’t the black,

But doesn’t mean it stops you from wanting to go back.

How do you step forwards from this place?

So much is lost. So much more to face.

But then the white ceiling arrives.

Night is over. You survived.

Being alone can be, being strong.

The past may be full of hurts and wrongs.

But the present, it is a gift.

Time to heal and the wrongs to lift.

No matter how long the black,

Or the gray that always comes back.

The white will always come with the sun.

A reminder the despair hasn’t won.

My Eyes

My Eyes

07/08/2020

My eye’s are bluest when I cry,

They are the darkest when I lie.

If you want to see them shine,

Just say you want to be mine.

My eye’s have strayed so much from you,

It’s undone our marriage, it’s true.

Now no one else can they view.

Can’t be another girl, it’s you.

I wish at times they were blind,

But no rest from your image I’d find.

You are etched in my mind.

An angel of love and light

I could never forget, try as I might.

So if you see my eye’s tonight.

They glow their bluest blue,

Because they ever search for you.

I Disappeared

For all those, as few as you are, that enjoyed or at the very least read my first posts, Thank you.

I stopped writing. Never told you all the reasons why I started. I shared some about someone I loved very much who had passed. It was my dog. Maybe some scoff or think I’m stupid, but he was always there for me. I wasn’t popular and I lacked confidence. I was never invited to parties, and in a crowd I felt alone. Puppy never let me feel alone.

I thought I had years left with him. He was 13, I should have known it was unlikely. His health declined fast. Way too fast. I spent lunches away from work holding him. Hoping he’d make a recovery. In the end, I had to put my best friend down. My felt like it physically ripped in two. Feeling has always been hard for me, but that was enough sorrow for a lifetime.

My dog was my protector. He couldn’t have actually saved me from anything, but if he was sitting with me no one could come near. There was never any doubt that he loved anyone more than me. How could you ever be so lucky to have someone love you that much. 2018 was rough because of that and so much more. So much loss, but I could have taken all the other stuff if I didn’t lose him.

It’s been over a year now. There’s still a hole. I miss you Pup Pup.

Dreaming

I’ve been someone before. People knew my name and I was important.

In the shadow of the night people raged against the darkness screaming my name. Loving my face and the presence of me stilled their fears. I was a hero. I was a villain. I was evil, and I was god, but then I was dead.

I was a killer. I was a savior. I sought my darkest fantasies, and I learned how to cure cancer.

I became successful. I lost my soul. I was homeless, and found the meaning of life is not in possessions.

I ran never tiring, and at other times, I ran and didn’t move.

I’ve lost my mind screaming into the night. Yelling for someone; anyone to take the pain so I could not end it all. I’ve lost my mind hollering the name of the love of my life; praising the joy I’ve finally.

In the end I was always dreaming.

Man Before You

We all need a friend, but some are always needy. – Robert Joseph

You look in the eyes of the person in the front of you,

He looks back into yours too.

You feel lost and like your all alone,

This man, too, seems to be on his own.

You ask him, “Why love never seems to stay.”

He doesn’t respond just miserably looks away.

You tell him you feel misery and pain,

When all your strength for love is in vain.

Still no answer.

Tears show in his lonely blue eyes,

Like he lost the star shining in his night sky.

You tell him a girl causes you pain tonight,

How, for some stupid reason, without her nothing seems right.

The tears in his eyes push out,

Is this, too, what his pain is about?

You take a deep breath and again begin to speak,

“She made me feel so strong, but now so weak.

Do you know what it’s like to have no hope with a girl like this?”

You know he does when whiteness fills both his fists,

And one lonely tear rolls down his face.

His eyes look lost and empty as space.

The tears just begin streaming from his eyes,

You realize you, too, have started to cry.

You try to comfort him and yourself,

You say, “If we become friends maybe it won’t hurt worse than anything else.”

He bitterly and doubtfully laughs about what was just said,

You, too, feel great doubt in your head.

You now realize the man that stands before you,

Is just a mirror, a reflection you wish wasn’t true,

Because the man in the mirror is you.

Nights are the Worst

Feelings we get at night,

Make us beg for mornings light.

For life is the nightmare it seems,

And the false escape would be a dream.

Before we shut our eyes, life can be too much to bear,

But then in our dreams everything we want is there.

Than we awake to what is real.

We awake to what we really feel.

The silence heard during the day,

Makes us plead for yesterday.

Makes us want that one in the past.

That one, that left and didn’t last,

But this is too much to ask.

So we live in dark during the day.

Waiting for hope to come our way,

And though in the day we walk in the sun.

In our soul from the darkness we run.

Through the feelings and silence of day and night,

You know what you think in the dark is right.

That the emptiness felt in your soul,

Cries for one to make it whole.

For you feel a void that lies ahead,

That makes questions run circles in your head.

A void, that grows in the silence of time.

One that reminds you being alone isn’t fine.

One that screams through the silent night,

Yelling how you feel right now isn’t right!

—

But you will lie there again tomorrow,

Trapped in the darkness of your sorrow.

Death’s Parade(Part two)

With that said, the parade came to a stop,

Because Death now knows someone still has a heart.

A heart, that in the dying streets did not rot,

And that fear could not tear apart.

As I looked all around,

I saw the marching skeletons fall to pieces on the ground.

No more did I hear the soft moans or the low sounds,

Or see the crowd’s faces aglow with frowns.

So I grabbed the hand of my dear,

And said we now may freely leave here.

As I started to to lead her ahead,

A noise arose from what was left of the marching dead,

Even from the broken, tortured souls.

Who started appearing from the dim-lit alleys and holes

At first, It was almost impossible to hear,

Then it became quite clear,

They were giving us a cheer.

Then I noticed Death, this town’s abuser, had disappeared.

Finally, as we walked to the end of the street,

We could feel new life in the drums under our feet.

With their now deafening beat,

They sounded the victory in Death’s defeat.

For the first time, I heard the tortured soul’s trumpets blow.

Because with me, Death’s rein of sorrow and sadness would go.

Even with all this noise around me,

Only the girl standing beside me could I see.

For everything else had been a blur,

Because the only reason I had ever came here, was for her.

Death Parade(Part one)

You tell me that your always afraid,

But that seems to be Death’s fearful parade.

It marches through your veins,

Filling these streets with pain.

The bands all marching down,

The crowd faces all aglow with frowns.

You wonder why you still try,

When everyday you seem to want to die.

I will take you by the hand,

And pull you through all the dying bands.

With their music played so low,

Making your heart beat so slow–

We will climb right over all the broken down floats,

And run around all the marching skeletons in red coats.

We don’t have to worry about it being that loud,

Because all we hear is the soft moan of this dying crowd.

We now see Death tossing guns and knives,

So that these tortured souls may take their lives.

I can tell you want this too,

But I’ll tighten my hold on you.

Because I see the end of this nightmare parade,

And soon you won’t have to be afraid.

Carelessly, you look up at Death’s scarred up face,

And it makes you stop your quickened pace.

I look back at you,

And I know you don’t have the strength to make it through.

So I turn, grab you, and hold you tight,

turn you head away from Death’s hopeless sight.

And I whisper in your ear,

“Please lay aside all your fear,

I’ll keep you safe as long as I’m here,

I’ll carry you to the end, if I have to my dear”