Obsession; An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind.
I don’t think it’s any secret that we all want to be loved, but I think the truth is that we want to choose the people who love us. The curious cycle of it all, is that the people we want to love us don’t always, and we ,as people, don’t love the ones who desire our love in the same way. I can think of many people I’ve let down chasing after a hopeless love. The tears and bitterness I caused them, that I was so often aware of. Some people love hard and desire to show that love constantly. Admiration gives the feelings flight, but in time, admiration is replaced by annoyance, and the feeling that gave you wings takes them away. In that moment, one never feels more alone and hopeless.
I can remember the first time I was obsessive over someone. I was young and my friend would have rather played with my brother than me. The truth of the matter is that the three of us could have played and nothing would have changed, but it wasn’t good enough for me. I needed the validation that having a friend gave, and to see him choose to play with my brother made me angry and hurt. Since then I’ve never dealt with people well. I get close to someone fast, and the more I seek that closeness the more they pull away. The lie of my life is that it is spent alone. The truth is I’m surrounded by people that care, just not the ones I chose.
Is that fair to the ones who fought to stay in my life? I know the answer. Maybe in the end I reap what I sow. We don’t choose the ones who love us, and in the end that’s the hardest truth to face.