Long hours and slow minutes make for a mediocre day. You work your life away for a day off, but when it comes there is nothing to look forwards to. The games aren’t enough, the shows not adequate anymore, and the only company is the silence. A lonely ever coming silence. Your texts are left hanging. Conversations over before they have begun. Refreshing the page doesn’t give you anymore likes or love, but rather assurance that you are, without doubt, alone. You dream of a day off only to live the nightmare it brings. There is no joy in this loneliness.
Solitude. Stifling solitude. Strangling, suffocating solitude. Shocking, startling, savage solitude. The walls begin to close and the noise of the outside world is a distant thing that you want to be a part of, but people scare you. You scares you. When did making conversation become pointless, and companionship taxing. Has living a life always been this hard? Have thoughts always been this heavy?
Give it a rest. No one is listening. You’re just talking to yourself again and the argument is always the same. You can see the future. The one you desire in your mind. The person you want to be, but we know it’s a lie. A truth without truth. A wish of who you are, but who you will never be. Just sit there. Unsatisfied and unhappy waiting for something. Thinking of someone. Hoping for dramatic change. Soon work will be here again, and the desire for a day off will be back. The loneliness to follow.
If we are meant to struggle alone; we will do it together. – The companion within