Dreaming

I’ve been someone before. People knew my name and I was important.

In the shadow of the night people raged against the darkness screaming my name. Loving my face and the presence of me stilled their fears. I was a hero. I was a villain. I was evil, and I was god, but then I was dead.

I was a killer. I was a savior. I sought my darkest fantasies, and I learned how to cure cancer.

I became successful. I lost my soul. I was homeless, and found the meaning of life is not in possessions.

I ran never tiring, and at other times, I ran and didn’t move.

I’ve lost my mind screaming into the night. Yelling for someone; anyone to take the pain so I could not end it all. I’ve lost my mind hollering the name of the love of my life; praising the joy I’ve finally.

In the end I was always dreaming.

Nights are the Worst

Feelings we get at night,

Make us beg for mornings light.

For life is the nightmare it seems,

And the false escape would be a dream.

Before we shut our eyes, life can be too much to bear,

But then in our dreams everything we want is there.

Than we awake to what is real.

We awake to what we really feel.

The silence heard during the day,

Makes us plead for yesterday.

Makes us want that one in the past.

That one, that left and didn’t last,

But this is too much to ask.

So we live in dark during the day.

Waiting for hope to come our way,

And though in the day we walk in the sun.

In our soul from the darkness we run.

Through the feelings and silence of day and night,

You know what you think in the dark is right.

That the emptiness felt in your soul,

Cries for one to make it whole.

For you feel a void that lies ahead,

That makes questions run circles in your head.

A void, that grows in the silence of time.

One that reminds you being alone isn’t fine.

One that screams through the silent night,

Yelling how you feel right now isn’t right!

—

But you will lie there again tomorrow,

Trapped in the darkness of your sorrow.

Underwater

Lately, I’d describe my life as underwater. At most times I feel like everything is heavy, but there’s moments when I can breathe and see the light. Where joy isn’t sought, but found, and the loneliness is quenched. Then I sink or should I say think, either is accurate. My thoughts are heavy, they have been since I was young, and they slowly drag me deeper. At times, I can bear the weight and tread the water. Ignore the depths below. That was until I lost him.

Einstein. He wasn’t someone, he was the one who brightened up the worst days. A life line to hold myself above the water. It has been seven months, and I still can’t breathe and the weights are unbearable. Time is filled by space. Space that perpetuates upon itself stretching out into infinity that I can’t find a way or a reason to fill, yet I know if he were here it would be filled.

So what is this page you have stumbled upon. Ramblings? Musings? Bitching? Maybe a bit of everything.

Thanks for joining me. Stay if you need; leave if it’s all the same.

Love doesn’t suck; the loss of it does. – Me

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