Tag: dog

I Disappeared

For all those, as few as you are, that enjoyed or at the very least read my first posts, Thank you.

I stopped writing. Never told you all the reasons why I started. I shared some about someone I loved very much who had passed. It was my dog. Maybe some scoff or think I’m stupid, but he was always there for me. I wasn’t popular and I lacked confidence. I was never invited to parties, and in a crowd I felt alone. Puppy never let me feel alone.

I thought I had years left with him. He was 13, I should have known it was unlikely. His health declined fast. Way too fast. I spent lunches away from work holding him. Hoping he’d make a recovery. In the end, I had to put my best friend down. My felt like it physically ripped in two. Feeling has always been hard for me, but that was enough sorrow for a lifetime.

Medium Short-coated Tan and White Dog on Focus Photo

My dog was my protector. He couldn’t have actually saved me from anything, but if he was sitting with me no one could come near. There was never any doubt that he loved anyone more than me. How could you ever be so lucky to have someone love you that much. 2018 was rough because of that and so much more. So much loss, but I could have taken all the other stuff if I didn’t lose him.

Close-Up Photography of Dog Wearing Reindeer Horn and Nose Costume

It’s been over a year now. There’s still a hole. I miss you Pup Pup.

 

Underwater

Lately, I’d describe my life as underwater. At most times I feel like everything is heavy, but there’s moments when I can breathe and see the light. Where joy isn’t sought, but found, and the loneliness is quenched. Then I sink or should I say think, either is accurate. My thoughts are heavy, they have been since I was young, and they slowly drag me deeper. At times, I can bear the weight and tread the water. Ignore the depths below. That was until I lost him.

Einstein. He wasn’t someone, he was the one who brightened up the worst days. A life line to hold myself above the water. It has been seven months, and I still can’t breathe and the weights are unbearable. Time is filled by space. Space that perpetuates upon itself stretching out into infinity that I can’t find a way or a reason to fill, yet I know if he were here it would be filled.

So what is this page you have stumbled upon. Ramblings? Musings? Bitching? Maybe a bit of everything.

Thanks for joining me. Stay if you need; leave if it’s all the same.

Love doesn’t suck; the loss of it does. – Me

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